To date I have over two thousand photos stored on my phone. Since I’ve started my blog I’ve been looking for pictures of me, family, people, things and places to upload and share. Recently I scrolled across a series of selfies taken sometime in June of 2017; I usually don’t say this about my pictures, but I looked cute.
No, I wasn’t dressed “couturishly” at a Red Carpet event posing alongside Oprah, it was just a selfie. Dear ole’ me wearing an inexpensive pair of ripped jeans and a green Adidas t-shirt lounging on my couch.
I’ve never liked taking pictures but lately I’ve been taking more and more of myself and I’m growing to realize that a picture isn’t going to be the death of me. Well not the kind that I take anyway, hahaha! I used to never smile and would always be the first to say ooh I’ll take it, purposefully putting myself on the opposite side of the camera. When the clever ones noticed and insisted that I be a part of the group picture, I often found myself going to the back or; off to the side and when they said, “smile” a smirk across my face was usually all they got.
Looking over this particular set of selfies I found myself doing what I believe all women do when they see photos of themselves, hell men probably do it too; and because I know I can’t be the only one, I went ahead and did what anyone would do. I enlarged the pictures to see every detail from top to bottom.
- I looked at my hair (ooh, so black and chic).
- I put the phone close up to my face to see the minimal amount of makeup (flawless skin).
- I looked at how I arched my eyebrows (I’m a pro).
- I looked at my nails ( I wonder if I still have that color, it’s beautiful).
- I looked at how flat my abs were then rubbed my current situation(were better, yes).
- I looked at my clothes (I think i will wear this same outfit tomorrow).
Despite some of my smirks when I think back, I was happy in those pictures and I didn’t even take the time to acknowledge it back then. I mean I was happy and had every right to be. I was healthy. My grown children were healthy. I liked my job that was slowly turning into my career. I had food, my bills where paid, I was single and most importantly I owed no one!
Now, here I am a little over a year later and I’m proud to say that my children and I are still healthy. My career is going well, bills paid, and I still owe no one; but most importantly unlike a year ago, today I am consciously aware of my own happiness. I’m still single but I’m in a peaceful point in my life. I am equally thankful and blessed for what I have, and what I don’t have.
I don’t have the boyfriend or husband whose mind I try to read before the arguments and the disagreements. I’m blessed to not have the Platinum credit cards to purchase whatever I want, when I want, or; charge the dream vacation and pay it off later just to show everyone that I went on an African Safari.
My selfies says, “that I’m in love. I’m in love with myself, my freedom, my dreams, my health, and my peace. I’m slowly gaining a since of direction. I’m walking into something that I believe is my purpose, and although it hasn’t been revealed completely I do feel its right. This moment is right!
Now, I capture a selfie everyday. Whether I save it to my photos or delete it, I look at it and my Selfie says… I am a very unique person. I am beautiful, and I love the woman who I’m becoming; because I am meant to be.